What have I gotten myself into????
Like so many times before, I had this great epiphany of how I was going to get myself from zero to hero. You know, get my groove back, love myself, put myself first, focus on my wellness, “self care aware” and all that. Basically, I’d like to reverse time and be all the things my younger self relentlessly insisted on being.
I’d like to consider myself a pretty healthy person. I consistently walk 10k a day (seriously, let’s FitBit challenge – add me username: areyouwithcaz). I am a connoisseur of all things fresh – especially salad. I’ve even been known to throw a kettlebell now or then.
But I’m also an insanely busy person. I am an entrepreneur. I run an International team which means I run meetings at 2:00am more often than I’d like to admit. I also travel, on average, one week out of every month which is the crux of where all good habits go to die. As all busy people know, keeping habits is the key to success and keeping habits through busy, spontaneous schedules feels nearly impossible.
Every time I’m into my next big challenge, I’m sailing through those daily health habits until I land myself in a new country with friends or colleagues, a bottle of wine, and a can’t-refuse meal. YOLO, right?
We shouldn’t have to deprive ourselves of these memorable moments in order to be happy with ourselves. These moments with friends are just as beneficial to a long, happy life as the random self-imposed health challenges. I like to choose those moments carefully, knowing that, for me, a big part of my personal happiness comes from putting my priorities first while being super-hero-levels of capable of juggling everything else.
I like to do the impossible!
That’s why I’m over it. I’m over all this “trying” and “doing;” I am running away with simply “being.”
I’m over calorie counting because all it ever does for me is trigger me to eat absolutely everything I can without thinking about its substance (don’t tell Caroline ;). I’m over reading about health and talking about being stronger, those things aren’t getting me any closer to actually putting the work in. And I’m over all the aspects of my life where I put in endless amount of work that throw my entire life into survival mode. I want to mash together that “trying” part of me and that “overdoing” part of me and find that healthy balance.
I simply want to be me!
I’ve shared these begrudging feelings about myself at random over the last year when I pop in to Bounce for some physio work and acupuncture. See: overdoing it.
Yet, for the last year I’ve been guilty of not really committing to anything fully.
In fact, I didn’t even realize it until I accidentally booked in an appointment with not-my-usual physio. Rather than rebooking and walking out (which was exactly what I intended to do), I ended up caught in this awkward hand off between my long time go-to (yay Michael) and the new guy (Matt, who clearly isn’t new at all but he was new to me).
The irony is, the only reason I hadn’t re-booked and walked out in time to save myself from trying new things was simply because I was caught up in a work-related issue rapidly typing away on my phone. Think: all caps responses!!!
As I introduced myself and my list of issues to Matt, I was not even two minutes into lying face down on the physio table when he put his hand between my shoulders, leaned down so I could see him out of the corner of my eye from the under-table view and asked, “So what are you going to do about yourself?”
I thought, “Ok, ok, ok mister. I’m a busy person. I’m self aware. You don’t know me.” Except, I’m really not all that reactive. I leave all my reactions for work related emails, apparently.
That was the setup. Where he really hit a sore spot (ahhhh see what I did there?) was his response to my interjections. He simply and calmly said, “So, you’ve been careless.”
What the… what! The way he worded it wasn’t the stereotypical, soft-spoken, “It sounds to me like you haven’t been taking care of yourself.” Nope. I’ve been straight-up, without a twist careless! I couldn’t even argue. How dare I?!? All the post traumatic stress of red-inked papers in grade school with capital CARELESS MISTAKES across the top of my math assignments suddenly overwhelmed me with the idea that I’ve been soaring through life too fast, too careless to correctly take care of my body.
I lay there literally thinking to myself, “I’ve never missed an oil change or left a dent in my car, so why has it taken me six years to get a post-accident work up on my body?”
Matt challenged me. No fluff. No mere suggestions about how I should really do this or that to strengthen the weakness in my knees or lower back. Nope. His very presence at that moment was almost an ultimatum as if to say, “Hey, this isn’t a big problem. You’re making it a big problem. If you want to keep coming to my place, be my guest, but I’m not going to help you unless you decide right now you’re going to kick this pain in the ass.”
At the time, I didn’t really know the guy so I didn’t know that he was actually one of the welcoming and supportive type. How could he not be? He and Paul have successfully run this business for 15 years! And the business is unique.
I’ve found a whole new energy and a motivation thanks to Bounce. I’ve gone beyond the shy physio client that would stop in at random to stare at the health foods and kombucha until someone asked me if I needed anything, causing me to turn and run for the door. “No, no. Nothing!”
Today, I was going to get over the pain I was causing myself. Not tomorrow. Not after six more sessions. Today!
I booked in that follow up-appointment. I showed up two days later. I gritted through the physio massage and acupuncture to my sciatic nerve. And I left with a handful of orthopedic resistance bands and a new set of exercises.
By my next appointment, the random pinches and pangs that woke me in the night had subsided. The handful of small strengthening exercises had given me enough stamina to feel like I could actually be consistent again with my workout regimen. I was not only surrounded by a new sense of hope, I was surrounded by even more positive and supportive people.
Suddenly I knew I could give anything a go because I had an entire team of specialists ready to support my every move, literally. I was fully onboard. Pilates, mindfulness, nutrition, orthotics – this was a one stop shop to a whole new me!
Join me in my journey where I will be blogging about my experience to be all I can be, taking advantage of everything Bounce has to offer and more.
Next up: my first Pilates class. Ever.